So my best friend Ryan texts me one day after we had been talking about our workouts and asks me if I will contribute to a blog. My first thought is of course... but I don't know a thing about blogging. I figure he will handle the "heavy lifting" of the blog since he is the soon to be doctor and I may chime in from time to time because let's face it I'm just an everyday kind of guy. A bartender that use to get drunk everyday. Do drugs on a whim and smoked cigarettes.
Then I realized after a lengthy conversation with Ryan that that's what the point was. To have the two different outlooks on the same subject. One from a health professional and one from a person who got lost in a somewhat "dark" life and was trying to fight his way back. So this is my story up till now for better or for worse.
I started out as an overweight kid. I weighed a chubby 183lbs as a freshman in high school. I would sit in class, constantly uncomfortable and hope that no one noticed my belly hanging over my pants. During that year I remember being teased a bit but one day sticks with me. I was sitting next to a girl who shall remain nameless and a boy turned around and started poking fun at me. I was extremely embarrassed and I remember going home that night and running on the treadmill for 45 minutes. My mindset was f#$k everyone. I would show them.
I ran on that treadmill at least 4x a week through the summer and most of my sophomore year. Determined to change. Come my junior year the treadmill had broken down so I was waking up at 5am and running either a 3.5 or 6 mile loop around town 4 or 5 times a week before school. Which anybody that knows Creswell knows town means country. I joined the cross country team at the end of summer. I remember logging my best time in the 5k at 18:49. My final weight that year was 155lbs.
My senior year was more of the same except my friend Ryan and I would get out of school early and go down to the gym and lift weights then go to baseball practice. I miss that energy. At the end of practice I would smoke my teammates when we ran the mile. I was in the best shape of my life. 6% body fat, 20+ inch arms, etc, etc. I was almost in perfect shape. And as you may guess, shit happened.
After high school I got into a very unhealthy relationship in which I started smoking and drinking. After the relationship ended 2 1/2 years later I wasn't drinking much but I was still smoking everyday. It took a serious toll on me and my health. I look back on that relationship and mark it as the start of the unraveling.
So I was smoking regularly and drinking occasionally but not doing terribly bad. Then came the fracturing moment of my life. I was at work and I just really remember feeling like something was wrong. My stomach was upset and I was anxious for some reason. The next thing I know my coworker came up to me and told me there was a couple outside to see me. I thought it was just a couple of my friends coming to give me sh!t so I walked outside. It was my mom and when I saw my brother Marc get out of the drivers seat of the car I got a sinking feeling. I looked at my mom and I think I said “what's wrong?" My mom said it's your dad... He had a heart attack... He's dead. I crumbled sobbing.
That one traumatic event sent me down a very dark path in my life. I had wanted to get into bartending for awhile but ironically it took my dad's death to get me there. Long story short I started bartending at the bar he used to love to sing karaoke at. In the beginning I would get off work and just go home. Then I started to make friends at the bar and discovered (without knowing it) that drinking was a great way to forget your pain. After a few years I stumbled across cocaine and fell deeper into my hole.
I was doing at least $150 worth of coke every week on top of all the drinking. The two things I cared about were being the best bartender that I could be and partying like tomorrow would never come. Eventually the two world's would collide. I remember distinctly a night where a very dear friend pulled me out of the bar and told me “I've lost friends to cocaine and I've lost friends to depression. Now you are going through both." She was crying and I started to realize what I was doing and began coming out of the haze that I had begun to feel comfortable in.
It's a horrible thing to realize that you're hurting most everyone around you. I stopped doing coke but the drinking got worse. It had become a big part of my life. Professionally and personally my life revolved around the bar and I struggled to have anything else in my life especially working out.
It became an exercise in just getting by and not living. I lived that life for a couple more years until one night at 3am I decided to go for a run. I had been fired a couple months back and had finally started to think that I had to come to grips with the loss of my dad and the fact that the profession that I was good at had been tearing me apart. I spent a lot of time thinking of what I wanted from life. I also put a lot of thought into how I could make my dad proud.
That run that night and the talks I had with my friend Ryan the next few days would help me finally turn the corner. I wanted to get my strength back. I wanted to get my drive back. And most of all I just wanted to get myself back. I talked with Ryan about a lot of things. Some being about the weight lifting or the runs I was doing but most of it had to do with the pain I had been feeling for a long time. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried several times during our conversations but I would always have a brighter outlook when they were done.
I had been working out somewhat regularly for a few weeks when I found myself a challenge. Ryan had told me he wanted to weigh 175 by June and I thought to myself I would set a goal too. I didn't know what my true weight was because I didn't have a scale but the last time I weighed myself I was 245. So I set a goal of 220 by June(this was mid March). I knew it would be hard but I had finally lit that fire again.
I ordered a HR monitor and a scale. Then I downloaded icardio and myfitnesspal to track my calories burned and calories ingested. The best thing you can do is have or find a friend that can go on the journey with you. There is strength in numbers.
I think I can speak for my friend Ryan when I say our journeys have just begun. When will yours? I was brutally honest in this biography because I want people to know that just because you go through tough times, make mistakes, and put yourself in a corner in life doesn't mean you can't find yourself again and thrive.
This is where my new story begins. A story of strength. A story of progress, quitting smoking and being in control of my drinking. But most of all a story of finding myself again in fitness and in life.
Here is a picture from high school
Here is a picture from this past month
Adam and Ryan - May 2013
Then I realized after a lengthy conversation with Ryan that that's what the point was. To have the two different outlooks on the same subject. One from a health professional and one from a person who got lost in a somewhat "dark" life and was trying to fight his way back. So this is my story up till now for better or for worse.
I started out as an overweight kid. I weighed a chubby 183lbs as a freshman in high school. I would sit in class, constantly uncomfortable and hope that no one noticed my belly hanging over my pants. During that year I remember being teased a bit but one day sticks with me. I was sitting next to a girl who shall remain nameless and a boy turned around and started poking fun at me. I was extremely embarrassed and I remember going home that night and running on the treadmill for 45 minutes. My mindset was f#$k everyone. I would show them.
I ran on that treadmill at least 4x a week through the summer and most of my sophomore year. Determined to change. Come my junior year the treadmill had broken down so I was waking up at 5am and running either a 3.5 or 6 mile loop around town 4 or 5 times a week before school. Which anybody that knows Creswell knows town means country. I joined the cross country team at the end of summer. I remember logging my best time in the 5k at 18:49. My final weight that year was 155lbs.
My senior year was more of the same except my friend Ryan and I would get out of school early and go down to the gym and lift weights then go to baseball practice. I miss that energy. At the end of practice I would smoke my teammates when we ran the mile. I was in the best shape of my life. 6% body fat, 20+ inch arms, etc, etc. I was almost in perfect shape. And as you may guess, shit happened.
After high school I got into a very unhealthy relationship in which I started smoking and drinking. After the relationship ended 2 1/2 years later I wasn't drinking much but I was still smoking everyday. It took a serious toll on me and my health. I look back on that relationship and mark it as the start of the unraveling.
So I was smoking regularly and drinking occasionally but not doing terribly bad. Then came the fracturing moment of my life. I was at work and I just really remember feeling like something was wrong. My stomach was upset and I was anxious for some reason. The next thing I know my coworker came up to me and told me there was a couple outside to see me. I thought it was just a couple of my friends coming to give me sh!t so I walked outside. It was my mom and when I saw my brother Marc get out of the drivers seat of the car I got a sinking feeling. I looked at my mom and I think I said “what's wrong?" My mom said it's your dad... He had a heart attack... He's dead. I crumbled sobbing.
That one traumatic event sent me down a very dark path in my life. I had wanted to get into bartending for awhile but ironically it took my dad's death to get me there. Long story short I started bartending at the bar he used to love to sing karaoke at. In the beginning I would get off work and just go home. Then I started to make friends at the bar and discovered (without knowing it) that drinking was a great way to forget your pain. After a few years I stumbled across cocaine and fell deeper into my hole.
I was doing at least $150 worth of coke every week on top of all the drinking. The two things I cared about were being the best bartender that I could be and partying like tomorrow would never come. Eventually the two world's would collide. I remember distinctly a night where a very dear friend pulled me out of the bar and told me “I've lost friends to cocaine and I've lost friends to depression. Now you are going through both." She was crying and I started to realize what I was doing and began coming out of the haze that I had begun to feel comfortable in.
It's a horrible thing to realize that you're hurting most everyone around you. I stopped doing coke but the drinking got worse. It had become a big part of my life. Professionally and personally my life revolved around the bar and I struggled to have anything else in my life especially working out.
It became an exercise in just getting by and not living. I lived that life for a couple more years until one night at 3am I decided to go for a run. I had been fired a couple months back and had finally started to think that I had to come to grips with the loss of my dad and the fact that the profession that I was good at had been tearing me apart. I spent a lot of time thinking of what I wanted from life. I also put a lot of thought into how I could make my dad proud.
That run that night and the talks I had with my friend Ryan the next few days would help me finally turn the corner. I wanted to get my strength back. I wanted to get my drive back. And most of all I just wanted to get myself back. I talked with Ryan about a lot of things. Some being about the weight lifting or the runs I was doing but most of it had to do with the pain I had been feeling for a long time. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried several times during our conversations but I would always have a brighter outlook when they were done.
I had been working out somewhat regularly for a few weeks when I found myself a challenge. Ryan had told me he wanted to weigh 175 by June and I thought to myself I would set a goal too. I didn't know what my true weight was because I didn't have a scale but the last time I weighed myself I was 245. So I set a goal of 220 by June(this was mid March). I knew it would be hard but I had finally lit that fire again.
I ordered a HR monitor and a scale. Then I downloaded icardio and myfitnesspal to track my calories burned and calories ingested. The best thing you can do is have or find a friend that can go on the journey with you. There is strength in numbers.
I think I can speak for my friend Ryan when I say our journeys have just begun. When will yours? I was brutally honest in this biography because I want people to know that just because you go through tough times, make mistakes, and put yourself in a corner in life doesn't mean you can't find yourself again and thrive.
This is where my new story begins. A story of strength. A story of progress, quitting smoking and being in control of my drinking. But most of all a story of finding myself again in fitness and in life.
Here is a picture from high school
Adam and Ryan - May 2013
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